the view from the afternoon

yesterday was such a busy day. but a pretty damn good one.

i wokeup super early (7am? whaaat) and apparently had fallen asleep on my parents couch in an attempt to stay awake and do laundry. so i had to do that as fast as i could before the dadskies drove us back downtown.

soon as i got home jess told me her and sarah were headed to redroom and asked if i wanted to come.. pretttty much if you know me at all, you're aware i can never turn redroom down. so after my poor blackberry briefly charged back to life (it had been here all week because i'd forgotten it on my bed) i attempted to bbm etc everyone who'd thought i'd been ignoring them since wednesday. kristen's voicemail was probably the best, something along the lines of "SAM! I MISS YOU! If you're asleep right now i'm gunna punch you! come hangout!" best ever. I love how everyone always assumes i'm asleep.. probably because I usually am.

anyhew.. to redroom it was - i got veggie rolls - which i am inlove with, even though they consist of basically lettuce and ricepaper. super cheap also. om nom. heather met up with us soon as we paid our bill, and  her and i headed over to the lcbo to grab some tallboys to take to the kensington park.

i'm never aware of what day it is, so walking through kensington was ridiculous as it was like 27 degrees out and sunny - and pedestrian sunday. sooo swarms of people, stands of people making every food you could think of, live music everywhere. totally forgot what kensington market was like in the summer.

ended up running into a few people there, especially random was an old friend selena, who apparently works at some new restaurant right near the grilled cheese place. she said they were filming something for the food network there, about the opening of the place, so that topped off the randomness. all i could think of was how bad it would suck to be wearing that much clothing in that heat. they didn't look too stoked on life.

so after that little run in i went to the grilled cheese with heather, and then to grab a new pair of sunglasses because well why the hell not :). after that we headed over to sarahs new place. she's got the sweetest apartment now too, so we stayed a bit, drank some beers, and headed over to the park.

the thing about kensington park, is it's totally different than bellewoods. so full of chill hippies vs. well, everyone else? i love both though.

everyone headed over to sit with us at some point, so our little circle gradually grew. soon as it got dark i headed over to reggie's for the peter franco sneakers going away party. hadn't seen willis or reggie in ages so that was good, i never knew how crazy amazing their apartment view is either. we sat on the balcony, drank a bit and headed out. what to do after all of this? we headed over to sneaks of course! i got the most intense amount of vegan food i could hardly eat it. but it was amazing.

probably one of the most random/exhausting days so far. but a really good start to summer. i love summer in this city, and i really think it's gunna be a good one :)

go to weddings, dress for funerals.

went to a wedding yesterday, i'd never been to one.

eric somehow scoped out an espresso machine when we walked past the bar.

vodka cranberries, rye and coke, cosmos, gin and tonic, tom collins, shots, red wine and beer.

pretty decent night, went to the bar after with connor

ran into some kids i haven't seen in like 3 years

my dad dropped my camera soon as we got to the wedding 

cause he wanted to take pictures?

new lens for me if it's messed up!

the beach with hilly today

laying around in the sun in my parents backyard

and back to the city tomorrow.

so many people are leaving toronto it's ridiculous!

photos to come when i'm not lazy.

a Spindle, a Darkness, a Fever, and a Necklace.

So there are some of the things I picked up for the wedding tomorrow.

I haven't used Benefit's "Some Kind'a Gorgeous" in a while, I remember being obsessed with it before so I'm sure it'll be fine. Love O.P.I's Linkin Park After Dark. and of course a new tube of Dior's "DiorShow". Best mascara, hands down.

pinback like penny dreadfuls do.

ferocious mopes

So please please please don't wait for me to try and get it together.

Please don't wait for me to reappear, cause I'm not here.

my friends

got me drunk last night.

so i worked most of it off.

still drunk and haven't slept.

i gotta go buy a dress for a wedding i'm taking mccallum eric to.

oi vay.

the perks of being a wallflower.

It's kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I can't. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me.

take it easy, love nothing.

So I laid back down, wrapped myself up in the sheets
And I must have looked like a ghost
Because something frightened me

And since then I've been so good at vanishing

Now I do as I please, 

and I lie through my teeth

Someone might get hurt, 

but it won't be me

Should probably feel cheap, 

but I just feel free

And a little bit empty

No, it isn't so hard to get close to me

There'll be no arguments, we'll always agree

And I'll try to be kind when I ask you to leave

We'll both take it easy.

the story is in the soil, keep your ear to the ground.

wokeup at 7pm today, to a bunch of missed calls and texts. meant to go to the island today but that didn't happen. showered, lindsey came over, went to kristen's, went home, went to sneaks.

my poor sleep schedule.

moderation

i feel like right now my mind is like some puzzle i haven't been able to figure out. i just keep trying to jam the wrong pieces in the wrong spots just so it will all be over and done with but it's just not working out so well.

i'm gunna get a 4.0 in damage.

java patio for a pitcher of sangria.

a bunch of us piled into a booth at the back of sneaks for beer.

and home for slc punk.

:)

reading high fidelity til i fall asleep. 

hangouts with lindsey tomorrow + smithfits

stoked.

walking home on a thursday.

a little punk kid (and by little = at least 25 haha) walks out of a store while i'm on my way home from sneaks and asks me for a cigarette. i apologize and say i don't have anything, and continue walking. he stammers on about how its totally his fault and something else i don't really hear. all he yells as i'm walking away is "you're beautiful!"

hahaha

i guess i could have been told worse on the way home.

stoked on picnics in trinity bellewoods tomorrow with some friends, and smithfits saturday with others.


this summer is getting better by the day.

i think today will be different.

Today I'm going to be hopeful.

Because I'm realizing: I have everyone I need.

on a train

"Have you got any soul?" a woman asks the next afternoon.

That depends, I feel like saying; some days yes, some days no. A few days ago I was right out; now I've got loads, too much, more than I can handle. I wish I could spread it a bit more evenly, I want to tell her, get a better balance, but I can't seem to get it sorted. I can see she wouldn't be interested in my internal stock control problems though, so I simply point to where I keep the soul I have, right by the exit, just next to the blues.

- High Fidelity.

they write books about this sort of thing.

i keep finding myself awake at the latest (or earliest?) hours watching movies like lucid. yeah, you know the type where everything happens in the protagonists head over the span of about a few moments. think the movie Stay, or Waking Life.

I don't know what it is lately about these movies that just keep sticking with me.

I guess I feel a bit out of it lately.

If you haven't watched any of them, I suggest it.

I tried to find the trailer to the movie lucid, I bought today super cheap. But its a Canadian film festival movie from like 2005. It was hard enough to find it on imdb.

it can get a bit confusing.

I pass a graveyard on my way to work
Today I saw two dozen white roses 
On a fresh new mound of dirt
And I wondered about the occupant
When the darkness finally swallowed him 
Was he calm and content?
Or was he sweating in a struggle to keep breathing
Ripping apart the sheets that dressed his bed
Crying out loud for someone to help him
And collapsing on his back, all pale and dead?
Maybe it's me who's this unstable
Always obsessed about the end
Why can't I let what happens happen?
And just enjoy the time I spend
Oh, how I wish it was so easy
But when there is no point to anything 
It can get a bit confusing

"please make me better"

dresses for messes

so i need to go to a wedding with mccallum at the end of the month and i still haven't bothered to get a dress. i know i'm gunna have my hair down in like loose curls or something, and i've got some form of a tan going (compared to sickly pale haha). that and i already know i'm wearing these wicked high black leather pumps but the dress is still a mystery. if i had an industrial machine, serger and a judy to my own i would have one by now.. but i don't have those kinds of resources so buying one will have to do.

so far these are some options:

what to wear?

as of late

so me and kristina have decided to eat as vegan as we can.

so far so good. 

especially now that there's soy frappuccinos 

(such a win when you're craving sweet food).

these photos i've snapped with my blackberry but soon as i actually get around to finding the cord for my nikon in my room there will be many more.

i've become addicted to veggie wraps. they're super cheap, and pretty much only consist of rice paper and some veggies (duh) lettuce and i think rice noodles? not a huge fan of sauces though, all for the better probably. 

jess made some intensely good vegan pancakes (since we couldn't find a waffle maker for under 50 bucks haha) 

and i surprisingly feel less like i'm dying lately. ish. who knew working out and eating healthy could help? (now i should probably work on a normal sleep schedule..)

so here are some of the highlights, as of late. 

well that's one less founded opinion.

There is a man holding a megaphone, 

he must have been the voice of God

The bystanders claimed they saw angels 

flying up and down the block

Well, they must have been attached to wires

I'd seen one laying in the lawn 

with a broken arm, so I called 911

Well that's one less founded opinion

One more cause for a dispute

So the street filled, like a basin,

up with cameras and their crews

And they washed away the rumors 

leaving just the concrete truth

It was a spectacle

No, I, I mean a miracle

So then I fell like that girl 

from a balance beam

A gymnasium of eyes 

all were holding on to me

I lifted one foot to cross the other 

and I felt myself slipping

It was a small mistake

Sometimes that is all it takes

Now I'm staring at my wrist, 

hoping that the time is right

When the planets will align

There will be no planets to align

Just the carcass of the sun

And little painted marbles spinning senseless 

through an endless black sky

It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub 

I baptized myself in change

And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been

I emerged to find the parallels were fewer

I was cleansed

I looked in the mirror

And someone new was there

But, I was as helpless as a chess piece

when I was lifted up by someone's hand

And delivered from the corner 

my enemies had got me in

But in all of my salvation 

I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell 

that is myself

So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key 

as it turns in the lock

And the guard will say to me, 

"Oh my patient prisoner 

you waited for this day and finally,

you are free! 

You are free! 

You are freezing."

Now I'm staring at the sun, 

waiting for it to explode

Because a day is gonna come, 

don't know when but it will come

And we'll finally know the way out of here

And I'll throw away this wrinkled map

And my chart of stars and compass, cracked

And I'll climb that tree all wet with sap 

to avoid the hungry beasts below 

I'll cut out my lover's tongue and sing 

of a graveyard gray and a garden green

And we won't have to worry no more

No we won't have to wonder again

About how this song or story ends

About how this song and story will end