tell me what you know about night terrors

I'm on the pursuit of happiness

 and I know everything that shines

 ain't always gonna be gold

I'll be fine once I get it, 

I'll be good.

what does marsellus wallace look like?

never gets old.

i need to sleep more.

oh hey mccallum

so i guess i'm doomed, thanks nick hornby.

I'm reading High Fidelity due to my wonderful little bout with nocturnalism.

"But I was kind and sincere and thoughtful and devoted and I remembered things about her and I told her she was beautiful and bought her little presents that usually referred to a conversation we had had recently. None of this was an effort, of course, and none of it was done with any sense of calculation; I found it easy to remember things about her, because I didn't think about anything else, and I really did think she was beautiful, and I would not have been able to prevent myself from buying her little presents, and I did not have to feign devotion. There was no effort involved."

I had to laugh, it sounds exactly like the male version of me.

The back of the book says fiction.

I'm screwed. 

the perishers

so stoked. nicole brought over her xbox tonight randomly knowing how much i love zombie video games.

we played left4dead for like a solid 4 hours or something.
legit such an awsome surprise.

tomorrow afternoon mccallum's coming back from london. 

stoked. 

haven't seen him since new years. 

plans to go shopping with josh, who i haven't seen since probably october. 

convincing him to buy some classic vans or boat shoes haha

it'll be good to be less of a hermit and just surround myself with good old friends. 

i tend to hide out too often lately.

visits to boon town

mccallums visiting from london this week!

yay! no more cabin fever!

everything is far away.

everyone needs to see this.

oh hey nightmares

mornings,

they seem to involve less of this ^

and more "what the hell?" accompanied by the 

realization that it's been an hour of sleep,

i'm more tired than i was before i went to bed,

and that i just had yet another nightmare.

not the most awsome.

only ever having nightmares.

the joke.

men and women break

men and women

deliberately leaving

hulks in madhouses

sedated or

electrified

until they die.

cats kill cats at

3 a.m. in the morning

chewing off the front

legs and getting to the

throat

leaving fur

and stiffened bone

for any collector of

garbage and life

past gone.

so many act so kind

and understanding

so many act so educated

and knowing

so many use the word

love

as if they meant

it

and too many believe it

when they hear

it.

our chances are violated

by our very desire to

be.

we have got to raise taxes

we have got to feed and

clothe and amuse

all those so many

in the madhouses

who believed in love

when there was so

little.

charles bukowski - 9 - 15 -1975

oh hey antibiotics.

i'm so legitimately sick right now. 

i couldn't even get out of bed to pickup my menswear.

i have no idea how i'm gunna do my judy return..

i really have run myself into the ground.

so much for that illustrator project, bye bye 15% of my grade.

but what else is new :/

Fell & Twitch

So tonight.. well I guess last night was the final menswear show for the third years. I'm not exactly stoked on the photos I got of my outfit, or the fact that the model never took off the cardigan, so my best piece didn't get shown. No matter.. Connor's gunna model it for me so I can get some good shots for my portfolio. I'm getting Lindsey to come over to model my Edward Gorey-esque winter coat today so I can get some photos of that too. Kristina's going to do the hair and makeup.

I dunno, one more skirt to design and make by monday, and an illustrator project due thursday and my summer officially starts. I guess that's something.

keep track

things i gotta do:

sleep an hour or two if i can.

finish the menswear illustrations.

throw together some powerpoint presentation.

get my texting fixed on my phone.

finish construction details.

seam rip the blazer.

design that skirt.

make that skirt.

do that illustration project.

i need some days like this.

we were a stroke of luck,

we were a gold mine, 

they gutted us.

well i did my best.

to

keep

my

head.

i bought pants today.

actually a huge deal. sadly. hahaha

jill didn't believe me when i told her.

i think alot of people will actually be shocked which is hilarious. i haven't worn pants in like 3 years.

picked them up from urban outfitters. so comfy. 6% spandex or something like that. what can i say, i need them to fit like tights if i'm gunna get around to wearing pants. why sacrifice the comfort? i'm perfectly ok with super stretchy fabrics when i'm not sewing 'em. hahaha

old snow patrol never lets me down.

i don't really know what it is but whenever i'm bummed out this song always makes me feel better. 

i guess i just find it cute that someone could write it about someone else. 

i dunno, i guess that makes me hopeful. 

lame? maybe. 

but i don't really care.

while i'm on the subject i might as well throw up run too. hot damn i love old snow patrol.

pretty little things.

make lists, try to stick to the plan.

things i gotta do today:

sleep an hour or two if i can.

finish the menswear illustrations.

throw together some powerpoint presentation.

get my texting fixed on my phone.

finish construction details.

seam rip the blazer.

design that skirt.

... 4 out of 7 is good enough for me today.

oh conor, so hopeful.

There was this book I read and loved

The story of a ship

Who sailed around the world and found

That nothing else exists

Beyond its own two sails

And wooden shell 

And what is held within

All else is sure to pass

We clutch and grasp

And debate what's truly permanent

But when the wind starts to shift

There's no argument

I sing and drink and sleep on floors

And try hard not to be annoyed

By all these people worrying about me

So when I'm suffering through some awful drive

You occasionally cross my mind

It's my hidden hope that you are still among them

Well, are you?

+++

huh, so do deadlines.

oh hey summer

i honestly don't know what i would have done without my friends this week.
especially kristen and jill.
proving yet again it's good to know great people.

i didn't want to go to bed, and i didn't want to stay up late.

I wonder if it's bad how this has basically described me since high school. 

and still does. 

either way, I still love it. 

I guess I just find it comforting.

I didn't go to work for a month

I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight

I haven't hung out with anyone

'Cause if I did, I'd have nothing to say

I didn't feel angry or depressed

I didn't feel anything at all

I didn't want to go to bed

And I didn't want to stay up late

When you're living your life, 

well, 

that's the price you pay

Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in

Whenever I speak out, you're taking it in you, now

I'm feeling this positive/negative, positive/negative

I didn't go to work for a month

I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight

I haven't hung out with anyone

'Cause if I did, I'd have nothing to say

i'll take that to go..

sooo wokeup at 9am even tho i went to bed at 4am. not sure how that works out but i definitely went back to sleep and wouldn't wakeup til like 2pm, when my dad randomly walked into my room and asked me how i was doing, and why i wasn't going to easter dinner. i mumbled something about too much homework and went back to sleep. i don't think he's ever even seen my room.

decided i was gunna just crash the couch today until i realized how depressing it is to sit at home alone all day watching tv. so i bbm'd lindsey and found out her and cody were at java drinking pitchers. got my shit together and headed over. i don't know how i managed it but i haven't seen the sun in two days. had a pint and got some pad thai to go.

got home, watched tv ate some pad thai, and got a call from jill. i was gunna go to the dogs bullocks with her til i realized i have no energy, it was super windy and i was supposed to have my illustrations done today..

so she came over for a bit. we took some shots of tequila and she headed over to the bar.

now i'm just sleepy.

i won't ever be happy again.

An apple fell and it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape
These streets are just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Now it seems that you too see a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The movement of a hand waving goodbye
But as the story goes, or it is often told
A new day will arise
But until that time I think I had better find
Some disbelief to suspend
Because I don't want to feel like this again 

classy plastic lumber

today was one of the better days so far.

more to come.