oh hey summer

i honestly don't know what i would have done without my friends this week.
especially kristen and jill.
proving yet again it's good to know great people.

i didn't want to go to bed, and i didn't want to stay up late.

I wonder if it's bad how this has basically described me since high school. 

and still does. 

either way, I still love it. 

I guess I just find it comforting.

I didn't go to work for a month

I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight

I haven't hung out with anyone

'Cause if I did, I'd have nothing to say

I didn't feel angry or depressed

I didn't feel anything at all

I didn't want to go to bed

And I didn't want to stay up late

When you're living your life, 

well, 

that's the price you pay

Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in

Whenever I speak out, you're taking it in you, now

I'm feeling this positive/negative, positive/negative

I didn't go to work for a month

I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight

I haven't hung out with anyone

'Cause if I did, I'd have nothing to say

i'll take that to go..

sooo wokeup at 9am even tho i went to bed at 4am. not sure how that works out but i definitely went back to sleep and wouldn't wakeup til like 2pm, when my dad randomly walked into my room and asked me how i was doing, and why i wasn't going to easter dinner. i mumbled something about too much homework and went back to sleep. i don't think he's ever even seen my room.

decided i was gunna just crash the couch today until i realized how depressing it is to sit at home alone all day watching tv. so i bbm'd lindsey and found out her and cody were at java drinking pitchers. got my shit together and headed over. i don't know how i managed it but i haven't seen the sun in two days. had a pint and got some pad thai to go.

got home, watched tv ate some pad thai, and got a call from jill. i was gunna go to the dogs bullocks with her til i realized i have no energy, it was super windy and i was supposed to have my illustrations done today..

so she came over for a bit. we took some shots of tequila and she headed over to the bar.

now i'm just sleepy.

i won't ever be happy again.

An apple fell and it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape
These streets are just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Now it seems that you too see a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The movement of a hand waving goodbye
But as the story goes, or it is often told
A new day will arise
But until that time I think I had better find
Some disbelief to suspend
Because I don't want to feel like this again 

classy plastic lumber

today was one of the better days so far.

more to come.

crap i think i was right.

Since these seem to be happening a lot I'm gunna try to keep track of the weirdest nightmares.

The other night I had a nightmare that someone was standing over me pushing down on my chest so I couldn't breathe. I tried screaming for my sister who was in the living room, but nothing came out. When I finally forced myself to wake up my heart wouldn't stop beating. I Actually felt like I was having a heart attack, and it wouldn't go away, even an hour after trying to fall back asleep. Kinda sucked a lot considering I hadn't slept in days and had a ton of stuff to do. I actually made my sister come and crash with me so I wouldn't panic again. I've never had to do that before. Or at least I don't remember the last time I ever have. 


So google I did..


Sleep paralysis. Not fun. 


Many perceptions associated with sleep paralysis (visceral buzzing, loud sounds, adrenal mental state, presences, and the paralysis itself) also constitute a common phase in the early progression of episodes referred to as out of body experiences. Mental focus varies between the two conditions; paralysis sufferers tend to fixate on reestablishing operation of the body, whereas subjects of out-of-body episodes are more occupied by perceived non-equivalence with the body.


In addition, the paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations and an acute sense of danger. Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual because of the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects (often described as looking distinctly demonic by those who experience the paralysis) may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision.

...wonderful. :/

not so much with the photos

yeah i never ended up taking any, from what i remember the bands were really good.

bit of a daze this week. i think it's thursday. had a friend tell me she's noticed a habit of really horrible things happening to me this time of year. that wasn't comforting. i guess i should just become a hermit again and hope for the best.

got cable. so i guess that's pretty awsome.

got a migraine days ago. that hasn't been.

but i guess it's better than panic attacks. those have been worse.

pretty much.

i love my friends.

http://www.myspace.com/bittersband

going to see these guys tonight with Jill.

photos to accompany tomorrow.

puddle stomper?

I've got to hold my breath
Because the puddle that got you is bound to get me too
And I shouldn't hold my breath
Because a sponge like you needs a puddle to go to
And I, I have breathing room
Because the puddle in which you fell 
My diamond coated plastic could repel

And I will repel you just like you're one of the others
And I will expel you just like you're one of the others
Because you are, one of the others now
It's kind of weird, I think, the way that people change
Think you know someone, but you don't, but you can't
Because you'll never be alone
And I'll always be alone

Because you're a sponge
Who would ever guess it?
Not me, not me, but I don't even know anymore
And how am I to know anymore

And I,
I'm out of breath, because I've been holding it for years.

ugh.

I don't even know anymore.

spring cleaning?

haven't seen you around in a while

wow i really never stuck to my word on this one did i.

i need to get on that.

but for now, movies and sleep. then a blackberry - hopefully.