sooo wokeup at 9am even tho i went to bed at 4am. not sure how that works out but i definitely went back to sleep and wouldn't wakeup til like 2pm, when my dad randomly walked into my room and asked me how i was doing, and why i wasn't going to easter dinner. i mumbled something about too much homework and went back to sleep. i don't think he's ever even seen my room.
decided i was gunna just crash the couch today until i realized how depressing it is to sit at home alone all day watching tv. so i bbm'd lindsey and found out her and cody were at java drinking pitchers. got my shit together and headed over. i don't know how i managed it but i haven't seen the sun in two days. had a pint and got some pad thai to go.
got home, watched tv ate some pad thai, and got a call from jill. i was gunna go to the dogs bullocks with her til i realized i have no energy, it was super windy and i was supposed to have my illustrations done today..
so she came over for a bit. we took some shots of tequila and she headed over to the bar.
now i'm just sleepy.
Recent Posts
Saturday, April 3, 2010
i won't ever be happy again.
An apple fell and it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape
These streets are just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Now it seems that you too see a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The movement of a hand waving goodbye
But as the story goes, or it is often told
A new day will arise
But until that time I think I had better find
Some disbelief to suspend
Because I don't want to feel like this again
We are chained here to the ground
So, I mean, here we go, but there ain't no escape
These streets are just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Now it seems that you too see a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The movement of a hand waving goodbye
But as the story goes, or it is often told
A new day will arise
But until that time I think I had better find
Some disbelief to suspend
Because I don't want to feel like this again
Friday, April 2, 2010
crap i think i was right.
Since these seem to be happening a lot I'm gunna try to keep track of the weirdest nightmares.
The other night I had a nightmare that someone was standing over me pushing down on my chest so I couldn't breathe. I tried screaming for my sister who was in the living room, but nothing came out. When I finally forced myself to wake up my heart wouldn't stop beating. I Actually felt like I was having a heart attack, and it wouldn't go away, even an hour after trying to fall back asleep. Kinda sucked a lot considering I hadn't slept in days and had a ton of stuff to do. I actually made my sister come and crash with me so I wouldn't panic again. I've never had to do that before. Or at least I don't remember the last time I ever have.
So google I did..
Sleep paralysis. Not fun.
Many perceptions associated with sleep paralysis (visceral buzzing, loud sounds, adrenal mental state, presences, and the paralysis itself) also constitute a common phase in the early progression of episodes referred to as out of body experiences. Mental focus varies between the two conditions; paralysis sufferers tend to fixate on reestablishing operation of the body, whereas subjects of out-of-body episodes are more occupied by perceived non-equivalence with the body.
In addition, the paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations and an acute sense of danger. Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual because of the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects (often described as looking distinctly demonic by those who experience the paralysis) may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision.
The other night I had a nightmare that someone was standing over me pushing down on my chest so I couldn't breathe. I tried screaming for my sister who was in the living room, but nothing came out. When I finally forced myself to wake up my heart wouldn't stop beating. I Actually felt like I was having a heart attack, and it wouldn't go away, even an hour after trying to fall back asleep. Kinda sucked a lot considering I hadn't slept in days and had a ton of stuff to do. I actually made my sister come and crash with me so I wouldn't panic again. I've never had to do that before. Or at least I don't remember the last time I ever have.
So google I did..
Sleep paralysis. Not fun.
Many perceptions associated with sleep paralysis (visceral buzzing, loud sounds, adrenal mental state, presences, and the paralysis itself) also constitute a common phase in the early progression of episodes referred to as out of body experiences. Mental focus varies between the two conditions; paralysis sufferers tend to fixate on reestablishing operation of the body, whereas subjects of out-of-body episodes are more occupied by perceived non-equivalence with the body.
In addition, the paralysis state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations and an acute sense of danger. Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual because of the vividness of such hallucinations. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects (often described as looking distinctly demonic by those who experience the paralysis) may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision.
...wonderful. :/
not so much with the photos
yeah i never ended up taking any, from what i remember the bands were really good.
bit of a daze this week. i think it's thursday. had a friend tell me she's noticed a habit of really horrible things happening to me this time of year. that wasn't comforting. i guess i should just become a hermit again and hope for the best.
got cable. so i guess that's pretty awsome.
got a migraine days ago. that hasn't been.
but i guess it's better than panic attacks. those have been worse.
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bit of a daze this week. i think it's thursday. had a friend tell me she's noticed a habit of really horrible things happening to me this time of year. that wasn't comforting. i guess i should just become a hermit again and hope for the best.
got cable. so i guess that's pretty awsome.
got a migraine days ago. that hasn't been.
but i guess it's better than panic attacks. those have been worse.
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pretty much.
Monday, March 29, 2010
i love my friends.
http://www.myspace.com/bittersband
going to see these guys tonight with Jill.
photos to accompany tomorrow.
going to see these guys tonight with Jill.
photos to accompany tomorrow.
puddle stomper?
I've got to hold my breath
Because the puddle that got you is bound to get me too
And I shouldn't hold my breath
Because a sponge like you needs a puddle to go to
And I, I have breathing room
Because the puddle in which you fell
My diamond coated plastic could repel
And I will repel you just like you're one of the others
And I will expel you just like you're one of the others
Because you are, one of the others now
It's kind of weird, I think, the way that people change
Think you know someone, but you don't, but you can't
Because you'll never be alone
And I'll always be alone
Because you're a sponge
Who would ever guess it?
Not me, not me, but I don't even know anymore
And how am I to know anymore
And I,
I'm out of breath, because I've been holding it for years.
Because the puddle that got you is bound to get me too
And I shouldn't hold my breath
Because a sponge like you needs a puddle to go to
And I, I have breathing room
Because the puddle in which you fell
My diamond coated plastic could repel
And I will repel you just like you're one of the others
And I will expel you just like you're one of the others
Because you are, one of the others now
It's kind of weird, I think, the way that people change
Think you know someone, but you don't, but you can't
Because you'll never be alone
And I'll always be alone
Because you're a sponge
Who would ever guess it?
Not me, not me, but I don't even know anymore
And how am I to know anymore
And I,
I'm out of breath, because I've been holding it for years.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
haven't seen you around in a while
wow i really never stuck to my word on this one did i.
i need to get on that.
but for now, movies and sleep. then a blackberry - hopefully.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
when complicated is an understatement.
too long
I guess
I've hunked down over the wood of
bars looking for music
I don't know what made me feel that people of
soul might be more in bars than
elsewhere
that cost me
many years of barren
study
it was when I began finding more interesting things
in the grains of wood
than in the people
that I got what i needed to drink
and took it to a room
and closed the door
men who drink in rooms alone are less
afraid than men who drink
together
it's like dying alone
cheaper by the ounce
and a better high
than any Western movie.
I guess
I've hunked down over the wood of
bars looking for music
I don't know what made me feel that people of
soul might be more in bars than
elsewhere
that cost me
many years of barren
study
it was when I began finding more interesting things
in the grains of wood
than in the people
that I got what i needed to drink
and took it to a room
and closed the door
men who drink in rooms alone are less
afraid than men who drink
together
it's like dying alone
cheaper by the ounce
and a better high
than any Western movie.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
shit, sometimes it gets so lonely that i can't even commit suicide
the death of a snail i guess
would be more glorious than your or mine
now if you can make a statement almost similar to that
and you bat left handed on dark nights
and seldom think of your mother
we are probably about even
so maybe we're doing the same thing tonight:
listening to that jerk-off Beethoven's 8th.
and rolling HALF and HALF BURLEY and BRIGHT tobacco.
charles bukowski 3-27-76
would be more glorious than your or mine
now if you can make a statement almost similar to that
and you bat left handed on dark nights
and seldom think of your mother
we are probably about even
so maybe we're doing the same thing tonight:
listening to that jerk-off Beethoven's 8th.
and rolling HALF and HALF BURLEY and BRIGHT tobacco.
charles bukowski 3-27-76